I just got off the phone with my Dad. I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I type this.  For those of you who don’t know, my Dad had surgery last Thursday.  He’s been living without the use of the lower chamber of his heart for a few years…AKA heart failure.  People who have heart failure tend to develop enlarged hearts - which is a very bad thing. The more enlarged the heart becomes, the more weak it is.

The surgery my Dad just had is a very new procedure. He volunteered to have  it done…basically to be a guinea pig. He’s the 233nd person in the entire world to have it done. What they do is go in and put a mesh type of bag around the heart. This bag prevents the heart from enlarging…therefore increasing the life span of patients.

The surgery went very well. The doctors said it couldn’t have gone better.  :)  Of course, I’m very happy to be able to say that. My Dad is my hero, my best friend, and one of the few people on the planet who I have genuine respect and admiration for.  In other words, he means the world to me.  The thought of losing my Dad physically hurts. I know that I will probably have to deal with that one day…after all, parents tend to pass on before their children do. I have no idea how I’m going to handle it. I actually can’t think about it for more than a couple minutes or I’ll freak out and start bawling.

Anyway, now that you know what my Dad just went through and how much he means to me, it’s time for me to vent a little. Please forgive me for dumping my problems on you…writing things out has always been the best emotional outlet for me.

As I previously stated, I just got off the phone with my Dad. He is feeling like total shit. He said, “If I would have known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have agreed to have this done.”  He’s in an unreal amount of pain. He’s on pain pills and everything, but still…having your chest sawed open is going to hurt like Hell.  He has a build up of phlegm in his lungs…which is very common after this type of surgery. The doctors have him doing breathing exercises and whatnot to ensure that he won’t get Pneumonia.  Although the exercises are painful and a pain in the keister, he’s doing them. The last thing he needs is Pneumonia on top of everything else.

My Dad has a girlfriend. They have been together for…*thinking*…about 16 or 17 years, I think. At one time, they had talked about getting married, but it never happened. I have no idea why, and I’ve never asked. It’s not my business. I will refrain from using his girlfriend’s name because…well, just because. It doesn’t really matter, but hey - just in case he or she stumbles upon my blog, I’d hate for either of them to get upset. The chances of that happening are very slim, but you never know.

Anyway, my Dad’s girlfriend is a very strong woman. You could say that she wears the pants in the relationship. That’s kinda how my Mom was with him, too. Maybe that’s where I get it from…liking to be with dominant people. I said to my Dad, “I assume that _____ is making sure that you’re doing all of your exercises and everything.”  He said something like, “You could certainly say that!”  Then he proceeded to tell me that he and his girlfriend had gotten into a “screaming match” yesterday. (Yesterday was his first day at home after the surgery.)  I asked him what the heck happened. Here’s what he said…

Apparently ____ has been feeling taken for granted and/or unappreciated.  My Dad said that she got all up in his grill because he’s not being very good about thanking her for the things she’s doing to take care of him. He said that he explained to her that he’s just in A LOT of pain, so he’s not exactly in his right mind and that he can’t stop and thank her everytime she does something for him.  He said that he told her that he really does appreciate all that she has done and is doing to take care of him, but he’s simply hurting and not doing so well.  That’s understandable, right?  I think so.

Apparently his explanation wasn’t good enough for _____.  My Dad told me that they got into such a heated argument that lasted for a while…he said that he was having a difficult time breathing afterwards.  :cry:  He said, “I think we got it all sorted out, but it was ugly for a while.”  Now, I ask you…am I wrong to be upset about this?  I’m still sitting here crying…picturing my Dad in a screaming match with ____ days after having heart surgery. The mental image is killing me inside. I can barely contain my anxiety over the matter. I so badly want to be there for my Dad…and take care of him.  I wouldn’t care if he ever said, “Thank you” or showed appreciation. It’s not about me. It’s about my Dad and his recovery.

My heart hurts…my throat has a lump in it.  I so badly want to call ____ or write to her and ask her to cut my Dad some slack…but I know if I did that, she would probably take it out on my Dad for telling me what happened.  There’s nothing I can do but sit here and feel helpless.  I would give almost anything to be able to be in there taking care of my Dad. I HATE the fact that I was here to help Lonnie’s Dad through his quintuple bypass surgery, but I cannot be there for my own Dad during his heart surgery. I’m plagued by guilt and anxiety.

The thing is, I don’t dislike my Dad’s girlfriend. She’s actually a nice person with a big heart. It’s just that she can be pretty harsh at times. There have been times in the past where I was brought to tears due to her mistreatment of my Dad. She tends to talk down to him and that really bothers me. I cannot stand to hear someone talk to my Dad that way. It’s not like it’s a constant thing or anything…but the fact that it happens at all bugs the heck out of me.  Nobody is perfect, though, and I realize that. I guess I just hold my Dad up so high on a pedestal that when someone isn’t treating him perfectly well, I kinda freak out and get overly upset about it. I’m very protective.

I guess that’s all I have to say on the matter. I feel kinda guilty for coming off like I dislike _____ or something. I don’t…not at all. I just dislike how she talks to my Dad at times….and especially right now. The last thing anyone who has just gone through heart surgery needs is a verbal altercation. The stress of that type of thing is NOT good for anyone…but especially not for someone who’s just been through such an invasive procedure.

*sigh*  Okay, I’m going to shut up about it now. I just had to vent my feelings so that they won’t affect me throughout the rest of the day.  I will continue to post updates as to how my Dad is doing.  If you are the praying type, PLEASE include my Dad in your next prayer.  He’s in a lot of pain…he feels absolutely horrible.  He could really use a relief from the pain.

Thank you for hanging in there with me while I vented. I feel a little better.  :)

• I’ve been Photoshopping all day today. I was supposed to be working on a website layout, but instead I’ve been making graphics for my own use.     Lonnie’s going to kill me!    

• I still haven’t figured out why not all of the smilies show up when I type the shortcuts in. Must be a Wordpress glitch or something.  Oh well…I’m not bothered enough by it to attempt to fix it.

• It’s been SO hot the past few days. My daughter wanted to have a picnic, but there’s no way I’m willing to sit outside in the extreme heat and eat.  We’re going to have to wait and do it once it cools down a bit.

• Lonnie’s cat just went into heat again.  

• I ran out of creamer for my coffee earlier.       I really hate it when that happens.  I much prefer my coffee with a splash of creamer…but I’ll drink it black if need be - which is exactly what I did.

• I was going to call my Dad today, but I doubt that he’s up to talking on the phone. I can’t wait to hear his voice again. I’ve been really worried about him. Knowing he’s all laid up in the hospital and I can’t visit him is killing me!   

• Tomorrow is my Mom’s birthday. Although I dread the idea of turning the oven on, I need to. I’ve got to bake her a birthday cake. Birthdays aren’t the same without a cake & candles.  (She’s turning 61…although she claims to still be 39…AS IF!)

• I just asked Lonnie to rub some Tiger Balm into my shoulders and neck. I hurt SO badly today. I carried a huge air conditioner from downstairs all the way up stairs. I had no choice. Since Lonnie had four teeth extracted, it’s against the dentist’s orders to lift heavy stuff…that left me.  I’m certainly paying for it now. My back hurts!!!

• Wow, cool. I didn’t expect him to rub Tiger Balm on my neck while I sit here, but he just started doing it, so I can continue to blog while I get rubbed down. This is the life!    :D

• I chatted with Amir for a few hours today!       It was so nice to chat with him again. He’s always such a positive influence…he could make the Grinch smile!

•  The vapors from the Tiger Balm are making my eyes burn.    :o

•  Baked Cheetos are so freakin’ tasty! Mmmm!

•  We bought a new doorknob for our bedroom door. I can’t believe it didn’t have a locking knob to begin with. That should be a given, right? I mean, it’s a five bedroom house…a house this big is almost always going to have kids living in it. Parents need a way to lock themselves in their room! The last thing my kids need is to be scarred for life because they came barging into our room and got an eyeful of some X-rated shenanigans! GOSH! Home builders need to use their noggins!

•  I love Legos!

•  Well, it’s 6:30 at night and I have no idea what to make for dinner. We normally eat at 6:30, so this is not a good sign.       I’d better get off of here and go prepare some food for the family.  Buh-bye for now!  

• Today’s been a pretty good one so far. I’m in an unusually good mood. It’s kinda freaky, to be honest with you. I mean, yeah - it’s good to be happy…but this chipper?  

• I just remembered that I need to install a smiley pack on here. I know I’ve said it a billion times before, but I think I will really do it today. I’m so tired of the lame default smilies.

• My daughter is next door playing with her friend. They’re having a blast on the Slip ‘n Slide.  I used to love those things when I was a kid. I’d be out there playing on it, too, but I have work I’m supposed to be doing.

• Uh, yeah…blogging isn’t the work I’m referring to.

• I just finished off a pot of coffee. I think I’ll stop there. One pot per day is enough for me lately. When I drink two or more pots, I get a bit hyperactive. The last thing my family needs is me bouncing off the walls.

• I made the slutty bunny graphic I’m using on here earlier today. The blue color is the same blue that’s used in the clouds in the header of my blog.

• I feel all bloated and icky today. Don’t ya’ hate it when that happens? Or are you lucky enough to never get that feeling?

• Some jackass left a few rude comments on my blog yesterday. Really mature.

• OH! I can’t believe I haven’t blogged it sooner, but my Step-Mom called me yesterday to let me know that my Dad had just gotten out of surgery. The doctor said that it couldn’t possibly have gone better. My Dad is doing really, really well! Yay! I’m so relieved.

• For the first time ever, I’m considering not voting. That’s a huge thing coming from me. I’ve always been a big advocate of voting. The problem is that I don’t want to vote for someone I don’t want to be in office. It’s basically down to Obama and McCain now. I cannot stand either of them. I honestly can’t even say which of them is the lesser of two evils. They’re both evil squared. I absolutely hate the idea of not voting…but I don’t know what else to do. I refuse to place a vote for someone I don’t support. That’s pretty much like lying.  

• I can’t believe I just said anything about politics. The last time I blogged anything about politics, it created a big ol’ debate, and bah! I don’t want people bitching each other out on my blog.

• I’m very worried about my friend, Carlos.

• I baked two loaves of Banana Bread a couple days ago. Did I already blog about that? *thinking* I don’t remember.

• My son has a window air conditioner in his room now. He’s keeping it so cold in there, I’m concerned that he’ll get frostbite or something.

• My foot just fell asleep!  I hate that! Pins & needles! Pins & needles!

• I guess I should go get some work done now before Lonnie gets all pissy with me. I can’t really blame him…it’s not fair that I’m sitting here having fun while he’s working. I’m such a spoiled brat sometimes!

• Have a wonderful day…don’t let anyone get you down. Nobody is worth that.

 • I don’t have much time, but I at least want to get a couple random things rattled out.

• The reason I don’t have much time is that I’ve got to make dinner for everyone. I’m not sure what to make yet, so I’ll just have to wing it.

• I wonder when the first day of school is around here? I’ll have to call around and ask.

• I’ve been drinking this bottled water called Earth2O lately. It’s excellent. I know most people are like, “Give me a break. Water is water.” …but it’s not. Not to me, anyway. There are some waters that taste raunchy and others that are good. Earth2O is a good one.

• I’ve been in a really snuggly and cuddly mood for the past three or four days. I kinda like it. I’ve missed being all affectionate. I think that Lonnie and I kinda chilled on the affection when we were having to share a hotel room with my mother and two kids for three weeks. Now that we’re in our own home, we need to get back in the snuggly mood!

• I mowed my lawn and also the neighbor’s lawn yesterday. I’m amazed at how awesome the lawn looks after only three weeks of being here. It went from being all dead and icky to being one of the nicest lawns in the entire development! Yay!

• I got a really ugly rash on my neck and upper chest two days ago. It’s still there, too. I have absolutely no idea what it’s from. I’m thinking it’s an allergic reaction to either my new conditioner or my new facial scrub. I’ve discontinued using both of them and once the rash has cleared up, I’ll try them again…one at a time. Hopefully that’ll tell me what’s causing the reaction. Until then, I hope this goes away…it’s freakin’ gross!

• We installed an air conditioner in my son’s room a little while ago. He overheats pretty easily and when that happens, he gets really bad nosebleeds. He’s been that way since he was a toddler. Hopefully it’ll stop now that his room is the same temperature as a meat locker.

• My daughter made friends with the 7 year old little boy who lives next door. His name is Ronnie…or Ronny…whichever. He’s a really well behaved boy with wonderful manners. Such a pleasant change from the kids I’m used to her hanging around.

• My Dad goes in tomorrow for his heart surgery. I’m nervous and worried. I’m sure he’ll be okay, but still…how could I not worry?!

•  Well, my kid just came in to ask what I’m making for dinner, so that’s my cue to get off of here. Have a wonderful evening/day/afternoon…whatever it is when you’re reading this. Catch ya’ later!