Lonnie and I went to church this morning…as we do every Sunday morning unless something prevents us from being able to attend. Both of us were SO tired when we got there. Speaking for myself, I’d not slept very well at all and got up really early because I couldn’t get back to sleep - no matter how hard I tried.

Lonnie got more sleep in than I did, but it still wasn’t enough. He didn’t sleep very soundly, either…he did the tossin’ and turnin’ thing all night long.

We missed church last Sunday due to Lonnie’s medical/dental issues, so we had agreed that going today was a must. Were were in the church for about 5 minutes when we both realized just how tired we really were. Neither of us could keep our eyes open very easily. I grabbed a Post-It pad and a pen from my purse and started to take some notes. I figured writing would be a good way to keep myself awake.

I just looked at my notes a couple minutes ago and started laughing. I don’t even remember writing 85% of it! Here’s what the notes look like:

• Mandles (The pastor showed a funny commercial for them.)
• Prayer = Gift?
• Coffee ASAP!
• There’s no clock in here!
• What a goofy looking baby.
• Awana? What is it?
• Matthew 28
• B to the O-R-I-N-G
• Raiders of The Lost Lark
• Lonnie sleeping 11:33
• Lonnie twitching 11:37
• Lonnie denies sleeping 11:38
• I NEED COFFEE!
• What the heck is he saying?!
• Droopy eyes
• “Last thing”…I hope so!
• Mrs. Wally - Awana Leader
• Digression!…Hurry up! Sheesh!
• Prayer…FINALLY!!!

As you can see, I’m not the best note taker in the world…but at least it kept me awake! I told Lonnie that unless I get a full night’s sleep on Saturday, I won’t go to church on Sunday anymore. It’s not worth going to just be miserable…and besides, nothing they say even sinks in when I’m that exhausted. I honestly have NO idea what the guy was talking about this morning.

For those of you who don’t already know, I’ve been pretty ill lately. It totally sucks, too. I don’t get colds or flus very often…but when I do, look out! 

I had started feeling better a few days ago. I don’t remember the exact day. It seems like all the days are kinda lumped together lately. Sleeping during the day and being awake at night kinda screws with my head. Anyway, I felt as though I was starting to pull out of this cold, so I got up and cleaned the house like a maniac, cooked, did laundry…etc. BIG mistake! Later on that evening, my body let it be known how upset it was with me for doing that. Now it’s a few days later and I’m STILL not feeling good. Lesson learned…although I said the same thing last time I was ill.

I did go to the doctor last week sometime. I think it was last week…like I said, my concept of time is totally messed up. The doctor said I have a respiratory infection and I just need to take it easy. I love paying someone a couple hundred bucks just to tell me to be lazy. Lovely. Lucky for me, my neck and back are also flaring up. I think all of this laying around has caused my injuries to act up. I’m thrilled about it. So, the doc gave me some Percocet for pain and also a potent muscle relaxant. She said she’d give me an antibiotic, but she was afraid it’d cause stomach issues. I asked her to give me something for this cough that keeps me awake, but she said that the pain killer would help with the coughing. She was right…it did help…while they lasted. She hardly gave me any, so I ripped through those in no time.

Please don’t misunderstand why I’m writing this. It most certainly is not so that anyone will feel sorry for me or anything like that. Everyone gets sick now and then. It’s no big deal AT ALL. I basically just want to keep my readers updated as to what’s going on with me so that they don’t ditch me when they see a lack of posting going on. That’d make me all sad.

So anyway, my plan is to just take it totally easy ’til this stubborn bug leaves my system. I’ll get on my computer once in a while to check in, but I won’t be sitting on here non-stop like I normally would. It sucks, and trust me - I would MUCH rather be on my computer getting things done than laying on the couch watching Dr. Phil! Yes…Dr. Phil! I have actually been watching his show! Now you KNOW I’m sick! Haha!

Nah…I mean, I can’t stand the guy, but I am open minded enough to admit that he’s got some decent topics sometimes. I enjoy watching other people who have bigger issues than I do. It makes me feel a little more sane and also more lucky to have what I’ve got. It’s always nice to get a slap of reality…even if the source of said slap is some bald headed hick with an annoying wife.

All this cold jive and Dr. Phil jive aside, I’m doing okay. Both of my kids are doing really well in school, and that pleases me greatly. When they are doing so well and seem to be so happy, it makes me feel like I just may be doing something right. I know all parents worry about their level of parenting…I pretty much obsess about it. Given my past choices, I’m super paranoid that I’ll screw up. I don’t trust my own judgment. I guess that’s where Lonnie, my friends, and my parents come in. Everyone in my life is so good about helping me to remain realistic and grounded. I’m so incredibly lucky to have the people I’ve got in my life.

Speaking of Lonnie…he actually bought me a couple pounds of coffee beans yesterday! I’m amazed. Not only that, but he got me some tasty creamer, too. Don’t get me wrong - he’s a good provider and everything…my coffee just isn’t normally at the top of his list of things to get. He’s not a coffee addict like I am, so I don’t think he quite understands the Hell I go through when a day goes by without it. After about three days without any coffee, I would probably beat the crap out of a monk just to get my fix! So yeah…the fact that he finally realized how important that stuff is to me is pretty cool. It’s the little things like that, that really make a difference. (Although coffee is far from a little thing!)

I suppose I’ll shut up now. Oddly, I feel very chatty and could probably continue to type for another hour, but then I’d bore everyone to sleep. I’ll chill for now. I need to go lay down, anyway. I feel like an 80 year old woman with a broke hip or something. Not being able to be active is killin’ me!

I’ll do my best to post often. If a couple days go by where I don’t post, please don’t think I’ve given up on my blog or something. That’ll never happen. I just gotta put myself as a priority…and that is not something I’m good at AT ALL. Thanks for hanging in there with me, and I’ll be back to my regular self ASAP!

  I can’t seem to get my mind to slow down enough to sleep yet, so I figured I’d get on here and kill some time. Maybe I’ll feel groggy by the time I’m finished babbling a little. I hope so, anyway.  

I totally forgot to call in my prescription refill earlier, and now I’m paying for it.  I normally take a sleeping pill or two on nights like this when I know I need sleep, but cannot seem to actually fall asleep. I do my best to function without taking the pills, but it’s been pretty difficult as of late. High stress levels seems to make my PTSD act up, and one of the symptoms of PTSD for me is not only insomnia, but also night terrors when I finally do fall asleep. It really sucks for sleep, or lack thereof, to be such an issue for me…or anyone else for that matter.

Speaking of sleep, I did finally catch up on some!  I had been up for over 50 hours and just couldn’t take it anymore. It took me a little longer to fall asleep than I would have expected, but oh well…at least it finally happened. I’m not totally caught up yet. I still feel very lethargic and worn out, but at least I feel better than I was feeling at this time last night. I just hope I won’t have a difficult time falling asleep tonight. Laying there listening to Lonnie sleep is like torture. It makes me want to get up and lay on the couch. Not because I’m upset with him or anything like that…just because I lay there wishing it were me sleeping.

In other news - we had Halibut for dinner tonight. It was really tasty. I think the part that made it takes so good was the fact that I didn’t have to cook it. My Mom cooked. Yay! I love it when that happens. To be honest, I wish I were a horrible cook. Then I wouldn’t be expected to do something I dread every single night. Someone else would take that duty over and I’d be totally relieved of it. Perhaps if I would have known 20 years ago what I know now, I would have played stupid and done the whole, “I’m a total moron in the kitchen” routine! I should look into hypnosis. Yeah. I can get hypnotized into enjoying it!  That’s pretty much the only way it’ll actually happen.

I do love to bake, though! Speaking of which, I bought all the junk to make cupcakes! I love cupcakes. They’re so adorable. This batch will be white with white frosting - my very favorites! I might decorate them to look really cute…or I might just frost them and call it quits. I’ll have to wait and see what I feel like doing tomorrow. Either way, I will be very happy to have made them. I thoroughly enjoy baking, and I enjoy watching everyone devour my baked treats even more. It brings smiles to their faces, and in return, I smile as well. Making other people happy is pretty much what I live for. I might not be a social person, but I’m definitely a people pleaser.

My son surprised me when he got home from school today. I was laying on the couch…attempting to sleep again (unsuccessfully), when he came in the door.  I mentioned that I needed to pry my butt off the couch and go mow the lawn since it was actually sunny today. He looked at me and said, “I’ll do it.” I tried to talk him out of it…it’s my job and I really hate the idea of someone else doing my work. I feel as though I’m being a total pain in the keister when someone else does my work for me. Anyway, I was very surprised when I heard him offer to do it. He’s a good kid and I love him to death, but he’s not exactly the biggest help around the house sometimes.

I did my best to talk him out of it (due to my guilt issues), but he wasn’t having it. I figured I could find something else productive to do while he mowed, so I mentioned that I would pull weeds while he mowed. He looked at me, rolled his eyes, and said, “Relax, woman! I will take care of the whole yard. You just lay there and watch TV.”  I was stunned…to say the least. He’d never offered to do that before. As a matter of fact, when we lived in our old house in Montana, mowing the lawn was his only chore and he hated every moment of it. So for him to actually offer to do it this time was a HUGE deal to me. I didn’t want to insult his gesture, so I did exactly what he said I should do and I laid on the couch and watched TV.

After I let the guilt die down long enough to really appreciate the gesture fully, I felt totally relieved. The thing is that if someone thinks my house is spotless, they should see my yard! I’m totally anal retentive about the whole entire property…inside and out. I’m even more anal retentive about the outside, though. The way I see it is that everyone on the planet can see the outside of my house. If the outside looks like crap, people will notice that. On the flip side, if the outside is immaculate, they will notice that, too. The last thing I want is for someone to think we are slobs or lazy, so I keep the outside in tip-top condition. I know that I shouldn’t even care what anyone else thinks, but I do. I’m not about to sit here and spout off some line of BS about how I don’t care what anyone else thinks…blah blah blah. I care too freakin’ much what other people think. I take it way too much to an extreme, and I know I do. I can’t help it, though. Not only do I have OCD which causes me to want things perfect for myself, I also care too much what other people think on top of it. (Yes…I’m totally loony.) I take the whole OCD thing too far and I know it. I literally cannot help it, though. If I try to fight the compulsions to clean or do other stuff around the house, it nags and nags at my brain to the point where I cannot get anything accomplished until I take care of whatever it is that’s nagging me. I commend my kids and Lonnie for living with me. I know I have got to drive them totally insane sometimes.

The up-side is that nobody around here is ever embarrassed to have their friends come over. They never have to say, “Excuse the mess” or anything of that nature. That’s got to count for something, right?!

Okay…enough obsessing over the obsessions!

I don’t feel groggy, but I don’t feel like typing anymore, either. Maybe I’ll take a couple Lyrica. It’s a nerve medication that I was given for my neck/back injury…but when doubled up on, they cause drowsiness. It won’t kill me to do that just for tonight and then I’ll get my prescription filled first thing tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I’m going to call the pharmacy’s automated system and order it right now! I hope everyone reading this has a terrific day! Thanks for humoring me enough to read my psychotic babble! I’ll go back to the regular Random Randomness© and Random Person of The Day© thing tomorrow! Actually, if I still feel with it in a little while, I might go ahead and post a picture tonight….especially that now that I’ve mentioned it. It’ll nag me all night long until I actually do it.  …the cycle continues…G’night!

• My Mom took us to dinner earlier tonight.  That was pretty nice of her. I was wishing that we would have gone somewhere else, but hey…beggars can’t be choosers. (Although no begging occurred)

• I splurged twice today. Once with the meal I ordered at the restaurant, and a second time a little while ago when I ate an Almond Snickers.

• The Snickers tasted like it was about 10 years old, so I’m kinda upset that I splurged on something so raunchy.

• It’s 23:15 right now. I don’t think I’ll last much longer at my computer. I’m so sick of sitting here. I really need a break from this thing. Lonnie’s been like a slave driver lately, though. I mean, it’s not like he’s not constantly working, too…I just hate being pushed to work constantly. It drives me bonkers. I want a vacation!

• My son just came in and had me print off some game cheats for him.

• Although it was raining today, we went for a walk. My daughter rode her bike while my son and I walked. It was nice to spend the time outside with them. I can’t wait until the weather is decent enough for us to spend time doing really fun stuff outside. We’ve always enjoyed outdoorsy things.

• I’m so excited that my tulips are coming in so nicely! I can’t wait until they open up so I can see what color they’re going to be. The suspense is killing me!

• Lonnie just got all pissy with me because I’m not working right now.

• I am SO thirsty! I can’t seem to take in enough water. My dinner must have had a massive sodium content! Yuck!

• I just remembered that I haven’t done my Bender Ball yet today! I gotta do that as soon as I’m done here.

• I just chugged ANOTHER glass of water. That makes about six glasses since we got home. Wow…I feel so full, but I can’t stop drinking it!

• Now I feel like total crap because I’m sitting here blogging instead of working. He just had to bitch me out, didn’t he? It’s Saturday, for cryin’ out loud! I just want to relax!

• Wow…I whine way too much. Sorry about that. I’ll shut up about it now.

• In case you’re wondering, no - we didn’t eat Asian food tonight. I just thought these little animations were super cute!

• I bought a new thing of coffee creamer a little while ago! Yay! Now I can wake up to a fresh cup of coffee with fresh creamer! w00t! I already have some creamer, but there’s nothing quite like cracking open a new container of it…or I’m just insane.

• I think I’m going to go take my make-up off and lay down. Hopefully Lonnie will understand that I just don’t feel up to working right now. I know that I told him I would, but geez…I need a little break to just chill for a few. That’s understandable, right?!