I just got off the phone with my Dad. I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I type this.  For those of you who don’t know, my Dad had surgery last Thursday.  He’s been living without the use of the lower chamber of his heart for a few years…AKA heart failure.  People who have heart failure tend to develop enlarged hearts - which is a very bad thing. The more enlarged the heart becomes, the more weak it is.

The surgery my Dad just had is a very new procedure. He volunteered to have  it done…basically to be a guinea pig. He’s the 233nd person in the entire world to have it done. What they do is go in and put a mesh type of bag around the heart. This bag prevents the heart from enlarging…therefore increasing the life span of patients.

The surgery went very well. The doctors said it couldn’t have gone better.  :)  Of course, I’m very happy to be able to say that. My Dad is my hero, my best friend, and one of the few people on the planet who I have genuine respect and admiration for.  In other words, he means the world to me.  The thought of losing my Dad physically hurts. I know that I will probably have to deal with that one day…after all, parents tend to pass on before their children do. I have no idea how I’m going to handle it. I actually can’t think about it for more than a couple minutes or I’ll freak out and start bawling.

Anyway, now that you know what my Dad just went through and how much he means to me, it’s time for me to vent a little. Please forgive me for dumping my problems on you…writing things out has always been the best emotional outlet for me.

As I previously stated, I just got off the phone with my Dad. He is feeling like total shit. He said, “If I would have known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have agreed to have this done.”  He’s in an unreal amount of pain. He’s on pain pills and everything, but still…having your chest sawed open is going to hurt like Hell.  He has a build up of phlegm in his lungs…which is very common after this type of surgery. The doctors have him doing breathing exercises and whatnot to ensure that he won’t get Pneumonia.  Although the exercises are painful and a pain in the keister, he’s doing them. The last thing he needs is Pneumonia on top of everything else.

My Dad has a girlfriend. They have been together for…*thinking*…about 16 or 17 years, I think. At one time, they had talked about getting married, but it never happened. I have no idea why, and I’ve never asked. It’s not my business. I will refrain from using his girlfriend’s name because…well, just because. It doesn’t really matter, but hey - just in case he or she stumbles upon my blog, I’d hate for either of them to get upset. The chances of that happening are very slim, but you never know.

Anyway, my Dad’s girlfriend is a very strong woman. You could say that she wears the pants in the relationship. That’s kinda how my Mom was with him, too. Maybe that’s where I get it from…liking to be with dominant people. I said to my Dad, “I assume that _____ is making sure that you’re doing all of your exercises and everything.”  He said something like, “You could certainly say that!”  Then he proceeded to tell me that he and his girlfriend had gotten into a “screaming match” yesterday. (Yesterday was his first day at home after the surgery.)  I asked him what the heck happened. Here’s what he said…

Apparently ____ has been feeling taken for granted and/or unappreciated.  My Dad said that she got all up in his grill because he’s not being very good about thanking her for the things she’s doing to take care of him. He said that he explained to her that he’s just in A LOT of pain, so he’s not exactly in his right mind and that he can’t stop and thank her everytime she does something for him.  He said that he told her that he really does appreciate all that she has done and is doing to take care of him, but he’s simply hurting and not doing so well.  That’s understandable, right?  I think so.

Apparently his explanation wasn’t good enough for _____.  My Dad told me that they got into such a heated argument that lasted for a while…he said that he was having a difficult time breathing afterwards.  :cry:  He said, “I think we got it all sorted out, but it was ugly for a while.”  Now, I ask you…am I wrong to be upset about this?  I’m still sitting here crying…picturing my Dad in a screaming match with ____ days after having heart surgery. The mental image is killing me inside. I can barely contain my anxiety over the matter. I so badly want to be there for my Dad…and take care of him.  I wouldn’t care if he ever said, “Thank you” or showed appreciation. It’s not about me. It’s about my Dad and his recovery.

My heart hurts…my throat has a lump in it.  I so badly want to call ____ or write to her and ask her to cut my Dad some slack…but I know if I did that, she would probably take it out on my Dad for telling me what happened.  There’s nothing I can do but sit here and feel helpless.  I would give almost anything to be able to be in there taking care of my Dad. I HATE the fact that I was here to help Lonnie’s Dad through his quintuple bypass surgery, but I cannot be there for my own Dad during his heart surgery. I’m plagued by guilt and anxiety.

The thing is, I don’t dislike my Dad’s girlfriend. She’s actually a nice person with a big heart. It’s just that she can be pretty harsh at times. There have been times in the past where I was brought to tears due to her mistreatment of my Dad. She tends to talk down to him and that really bothers me. I cannot stand to hear someone talk to my Dad that way. It’s not like it’s a constant thing or anything…but the fact that it happens at all bugs the heck out of me.  Nobody is perfect, though, and I realize that. I guess I just hold my Dad up so high on a pedestal that when someone isn’t treating him perfectly well, I kinda freak out and get overly upset about it. I’m very protective.

I guess that’s all I have to say on the matter. I feel kinda guilty for coming off like I dislike _____ or something. I don’t…not at all. I just dislike how she talks to my Dad at times….and especially right now. The last thing anyone who has just gone through heart surgery needs is a verbal altercation. The stress of that type of thing is NOT good for anyone…but especially not for someone who’s just been through such an invasive procedure.

*sigh*  Okay, I’m going to shut up about it now. I just had to vent my feelings so that they won’t affect me throughout the rest of the day.  I will continue to post updates as to how my Dad is doing.  If you are the praying type, PLEASE include my Dad in your next prayer.  He’s in a lot of pain…he feels absolutely horrible.  He could really use a relief from the pain.

Thank you for hanging in there with me while I vented. I feel a little better.  :)