• I’ve got some spare time before I go prepare dinner, so I figured I’d use to up by composing some Randomness.

• I’m making Shrimp Fettuccine Alfredo with a lovely side salad for dinner tonight.

• I won’t be eating the lovely meal I’m cooking.  I’m fasting today.    

• My ten year old daughter is over on a different computer right now playing around with Photoshop. You should see the button she made the other night. It was a purple button for a website. It looked shiny and everything. She’s doing so well!

• I should hook my webcam up. It’s been sitting on top of my monitor for about a week and a half now. Just sitting there.  I think it’s about time I plugged that sucker in! If for no other reason than so I can use it as a mirror. I used to always use it to put lip gloss on with.

• We watched You Don’t Mess With The Zohan last night. Wow…that was stupid. I expected a high level of jackassery, but this by far exceeded my expectations. I like Adam Sandler, but it seems like the older he gets, the more his movies suck keister.

• Every Sunday night is “Spa Night” in our house. My daughter and I do our nails, put facial masks on, shave our legs, do our hair…the whole niner. It’s a really cute and fun way to bond…and our skin and hair thanks us for it!  We spent over two hours on Spa Night last night.  We even went all out and put tea bags on our eyes.  Next Sunday we’re going to use cucumbers. I made sure to pick one up while I was at the store earlier.

• Lonnie has been interviewing for jobs. Our business is struggling lately. People aren’t able to pay their bills like they used to, and it’s got that whole trickle down effect. If they don’t pay their bills, we can’t pay our bills…etc.  So anyway, he’s been putting his resumé out there in hopes to land a good job. Right now he’s got two different good prospects. Our fingers are crossed for the one in particular. It’d be a long commute, but very worth it in the long-run.

•  I’ve been watching Trading Spouses lately.  I’m not exactly sure why, but I get a big ol’ kick out of that show!

•  I keep threatening Lonnie to get traded with some really horrible wife/Mom to teach him not to take me for granted.  

•  My daughter just yelled at the computer.  Like father, like daughter!  

•  My stomach just growled. It had better shut the heck up. I’ll go chuck a glass of water. That’ll do the trick.

• I’ve found some REALLY awesome sites lately. I’ve gotten pretty lucky with my stumbling.  There’s just so much cool stuff out there to be found!

• I am going to call my Dad tomorrow.  I emailed him the link to a ton of new pictures I took, so I want to find out what he thinks of them.  Of course, I also want to see how he’s doing.

• The weird dreams are continuing lately. I see no end to them in sight. That’s perfectly okay with me, too. They are MUCH better to have than the nightmares I was having.

• Hoorah!!! Matthew just logged on! Yay…now I can babble his eyes out of his melon again!        Poor guy.

• My daughter just asked me how to spell the word “Chronicles”….now I know what she’s up to. She is creating a new t-shirt design!  How cool is that?  I can’t wait to see what she’s got.  Of course, I’m forbidden to look until she’s all done.  That’s how I roll, too. None of this sneak-a-peek BS going on with me!

• My son went with me to the store today. I said to him, “Wow, it’s been a really long time since just you and I went anywhere together.”  He replied with, “Yeah, too long. Everybody’s always wanting to be around us! Bastards!”  I laughed and then said, “What can you expect? We’re just THAT flippin’ cool!!!”…then he laughed.  It was hilarious. I know it might not sound like much to you, but it was one of those ‘had to be there’ things.

• Speaking of my son, he just came up here and asked me when I’m going to start dinner. I guess that’s my cue to go get to cookin’!  I hope everyone’s well and has a wonderful day/night/week/month…etc.   

• I’m listening to Radiohead again. Yes, I know…again.    I can’t help it.  I love ‘em.

• I’m kinda blah today. Not sad, not depressed, not…whatever. Just blah. I’m here.

• I just changed my sidebar mood thingy to “Just here.”

• I’ve been posting the heck out of Twitter lately. I’m not sure why, but that thing’s addictive! I was sitting here looking at their site earlier and was in awe over the simplicity of it. Seriously. Why couldn’t I have thought of that?! It’s SO simple! Between Lonnie & me, we could’ve built that sucker in a couple days…or less. Oh well…more power to ‘em! I’m happy for whomever came up with the idea. It’s a gem.

• I mowed the lawn yesterday. BIG freakin’ mistake. Ouch…I’m paying for it. My back was totally not up to it…but it had to be done. I could have asked someone else to do it, but umm…I think not. I’m way to picky and anal retentive for that. If they didn’t do it the same exact way I do it, it’d drive me crazy until I went back over it…which would make them feel like crap (rightfully so)…which would have led to resentment…etc. Sooo, the back pain is worth it to save my family! Wow…my logic is so screwy!

• The lawn looks flippin’ awesome!

• Lonnie made me something yesterday…oh man…SOOOO cute! I am going to take pictures and post them. I want everyone to see how much my man loves me. Hehe

• I’m going to make him a loaf of Banana Bread in return. He doesn’t expect anything in return, but I just gotta.

• I spoke with my Dad on Friday of last week. He sounds MUCH better. He said he’s feeling better, but he’s still in quite a bit of pain. That’s to be expected. I cannot wait until he’s fully healed and able to do lots of stuff he hasn’t been able to do in a long time. It’ll really make me happy to know that he’s enjoying life.

• My online store got its first sale!!! Yay! Casey AKA Princess Pwn (haha) bought a Short Bus Hoodie! I am SO stoked! I cannot wait to see a picture of it…and to hear how she likes it, etc.

• I’m supposed to be working right now…on a layout design for a fireworks company. I’m not exactly sure which way to go with it. I have a few ideas roaming around in my head, but nothing solid yet. It should actually be a pretty fun layout to create. I’ve got a lot of creative freedom in this one…which is so killer! That doesn’t happen so often.

• I have this really bad habit of clenching my jaw too much. I do it so much that I give myself headaches. That’s what’s going on right now. As soon as I realize I’m clenching my jaw, I stop myself…but then a few minutes later I catch myself doing it again. I’m such a dipstick!

• I hate it when the coffee at the very bottom of my cup gets cold and I accidentally take a drink of it thinking that it’s still hot. GAH! What a rude awakening!

• GRRRR!!! I was just clenching my jaw again! :slaps self:

• It’s gloomy again today. I’m noticing a drastic increase in gloomy days as of late. :sigh: Boo & hiss! That means Fall’s on the way….I dread this time of year. It used to be my favorite time of year in Montana, but here in Oregon and Washington it’s absolutely miserable. I actually used to love rain, but now I loathe it. It’d be one thing if it rained a lot in Fall & Winter….but not constantly. It literally rains every single day for months. Before we moved here people were telling me, “I hope you like rain!” and, “It’s hard to get used to the rain”…etc. At the time I thought, “Psssht. Whatever. I love rain! I can handle it.” Wow, was I wrong! It’s truly the most depressing thing ever. I already have problems with depression…and especially seasonal depression. But to add this incessant rain into the mix - well, I don’t know how I’m going to make it through another year of it. I’m going to look into purchasing a light box, though. My insurance should cover it, so at least there’s a little glimmer of hope.

• Alright, it’s time to go work now. I’ve procrastinated about four hours away so far. I’m sure Lonnie’s totally thrilled about it, too! Haha…have a killer day, everyone! :love:

I just got off the phone with my Dad. I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I type this.  For those of you who don’t know, my Dad had surgery last Thursday.  He’s been living without the use of the lower chamber of his heart for a few years…AKA heart failure.  People who have heart failure tend to develop enlarged hearts - which is a very bad thing. The more enlarged the heart becomes, the more weak it is.

The surgery my Dad just had is a very new procedure. He volunteered to have  it done…basically to be a guinea pig. He’s the 233nd person in the entire world to have it done. What they do is go in and put a mesh type of bag around the heart. This bag prevents the heart from enlarging…therefore increasing the life span of patients.

The surgery went very well. The doctors said it couldn’t have gone better.  :)  Of course, I’m very happy to be able to say that. My Dad is my hero, my best friend, and one of the few people on the planet who I have genuine respect and admiration for.  In other words, he means the world to me.  The thought of losing my Dad physically hurts. I know that I will probably have to deal with that one day…after all, parents tend to pass on before their children do. I have no idea how I’m going to handle it. I actually can’t think about it for more than a couple minutes or I’ll freak out and start bawling.

Anyway, now that you know what my Dad just went through and how much he means to me, it’s time for me to vent a little. Please forgive me for dumping my problems on you…writing things out has always been the best emotional outlet for me.

As I previously stated, I just got off the phone with my Dad. He is feeling like total shit. He said, “If I would have known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have agreed to have this done.”  He’s in an unreal amount of pain. He’s on pain pills and everything, but still…having your chest sawed open is going to hurt like Hell.  He has a build up of phlegm in his lungs…which is very common after this type of surgery. The doctors have him doing breathing exercises and whatnot to ensure that he won’t get Pneumonia.  Although the exercises are painful and a pain in the keister, he’s doing them. The last thing he needs is Pneumonia on top of everything else.

My Dad has a girlfriend. They have been together for…*thinking*…about 16 or 17 years, I think. At one time, they had talked about getting married, but it never happened. I have no idea why, and I’ve never asked. It’s not my business. I will refrain from using his girlfriend’s name because…well, just because. It doesn’t really matter, but hey - just in case he or she stumbles upon my blog, I’d hate for either of them to get upset. The chances of that happening are very slim, but you never know.

Anyway, my Dad’s girlfriend is a very strong woman. You could say that she wears the pants in the relationship. That’s kinda how my Mom was with him, too. Maybe that’s where I get it from…liking to be with dominant people. I said to my Dad, “I assume that _____ is making sure that you’re doing all of your exercises and everything.”  He said something like, “You could certainly say that!”  Then he proceeded to tell me that he and his girlfriend had gotten into a “screaming match” yesterday. (Yesterday was his first day at home after the surgery.)  I asked him what the heck happened. Here’s what he said…

Apparently ____ has been feeling taken for granted and/or unappreciated.  My Dad said that she got all up in his grill because he’s not being very good about thanking her for the things she’s doing to take care of him. He said that he explained to her that he’s just in A LOT of pain, so he’s not exactly in his right mind and that he can’t stop and thank her everytime she does something for him.  He said that he told her that he really does appreciate all that she has done and is doing to take care of him, but he’s simply hurting and not doing so well.  That’s understandable, right?  I think so.

Apparently his explanation wasn’t good enough for _____.  My Dad told me that they got into such a heated argument that lasted for a while…he said that he was having a difficult time breathing afterwards.  :cry:  He said, “I think we got it all sorted out, but it was ugly for a while.”  Now, I ask you…am I wrong to be upset about this?  I’m still sitting here crying…picturing my Dad in a screaming match with ____ days after having heart surgery. The mental image is killing me inside. I can barely contain my anxiety over the matter. I so badly want to be there for my Dad…and take care of him.  I wouldn’t care if he ever said, “Thank you” or showed appreciation. It’s not about me. It’s about my Dad and his recovery.

My heart hurts…my throat has a lump in it.  I so badly want to call ____ or write to her and ask her to cut my Dad some slack…but I know if I did that, she would probably take it out on my Dad for telling me what happened.  There’s nothing I can do but sit here and feel helpless.  I would give almost anything to be able to be in there taking care of my Dad. I HATE the fact that I was here to help Lonnie’s Dad through his quintuple bypass surgery, but I cannot be there for my own Dad during his heart surgery. I’m plagued by guilt and anxiety.

The thing is, I don’t dislike my Dad’s girlfriend. She’s actually a nice person with a big heart. It’s just that she can be pretty harsh at times. There have been times in the past where I was brought to tears due to her mistreatment of my Dad. She tends to talk down to him and that really bothers me. I cannot stand to hear someone talk to my Dad that way. It’s not like it’s a constant thing or anything…but the fact that it happens at all bugs the heck out of me.  Nobody is perfect, though, and I realize that. I guess I just hold my Dad up so high on a pedestal that when someone isn’t treating him perfectly well, I kinda freak out and get overly upset about it. I’m very protective.

I guess that’s all I have to say on the matter. I feel kinda guilty for coming off like I dislike _____ or something. I don’t…not at all. I just dislike how she talks to my Dad at times….and especially right now. The last thing anyone who has just gone through heart surgery needs is a verbal altercation. The stress of that type of thing is NOT good for anyone…but especially not for someone who’s just been through such an invasive procedure.

*sigh*  Okay, I’m going to shut up about it now. I just had to vent my feelings so that they won’t affect me throughout the rest of the day.  I will continue to post updates as to how my Dad is doing.  If you are the praying type, PLEASE include my Dad in your next prayer.  He’s in a lot of pain…he feels absolutely horrible.  He could really use a relief from the pain.

Thank you for hanging in there with me while I vented. I feel a little better.  :)